Many of you have secretly asked “Do I lack confidence?”. Why is it that I rather hide and not interact with people and prefer to stay to my self. Or maybe you find that you one have 1-2 people you socialize with. If this is the case you may lack confidence. But there is more to it and I will share one sure sign that you lack confidence if you react in a way that I will share.
A few days ago I asked “what makes someone a “jerk” and not liked while other “jerks” like TV personalities are admired? You ever notice how certain people adore TV personalities that one would describe as “jerks” or “smart asses” such as Ari on Entourage, Gym teacher in Glee, the Vince Vaughns, but in real life these same people who are fanatic about these characters on TV do not like and get mad at similar personalities that happen to be their friends and a part of their real lives.
Why is it certain people appreciate sarcasm, truth and no bullshit on TV, but when it applies to them in real life they do not like it and get mad and hide?
Could it be that they lack confidence?
A sure sign to know if you lack confidence in yourself is if you love watching these characters expose obvious things to other people and characters on TV, but if the Ari in their life ever points things out to them or of them… well they just run and hide
Why? I can only come up with one reason: Lack of confidence.
Knowing how to handle sarcastic people is a useful and helpful tool to help you gain more confidence. It is like a weight. The more you learn how to handle sarcasm the stronger and more confident you become. We all have been victims of sarcasm. I have many times been the center of being made fun of or people pointing out certain things about me. I have been made fun of or have been called on for something I did that may not have been the best. Or many a times have had the Vince Vaughns in my life point out the obvious about me. For example… I often times make mistakes on the proper pronunciation of words, or I walk with a very loud step or I am a control freak. My close friends that know me and know these things about me the “sarcastic” or “jerks” in my life…point it out. Often! My way of reacting is well to laugh. I know it’s true. I am a control freak. I do step loud as hell. English is my second language so I do make mistakes. If someone I know and care about and who more importantly I know they care about me points it out or makes fun of it, I simply don’t care and I acknowledge it and laugh it off.
How else should you react?
Should I get mad?
If the same happened to you what would you do?
For the men out there who played any type of organized sport whether in school, on the street or semi pro I do not need to be in the locker room or practice to know that all men do to each other all day is make fun of each other. To talk about how slow you were at running drills or maybe how you have big boobs and need to lose weight or possibly how your feet stink. The list can go on and on. These type of things are part of the game and also part of growing up.
*****VERY IMPORTANT: I am not promoting bullying. Bullying comes from people who DO NOT KNOW YOU. ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. WHO DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU and HOW HARASS YOU. If you feel you are being bullied contact someone you trust and of authority at your job, school or community.
I am talking about good old growing up! People who know you, like you, care about you, sweat & cry with you. Can you take a few not so positive comments from them?
I am not a mom yet, but I would teach my kids to learn how to handle a little sarcasm and the “jerks” they will have in their life. If my boy is tall and skinny you better believe I will teach him how to handle being called Jolly Green Giant! Or If my girl has curly hair like her momma you better believe I will teach her how to react and respond to people calling her frizz head.
How do you respond? How do you gain more confidence? ACKNOWLEDGE IT!
Say “yup I’m pretty dang tall aren’t I? Or maybe you are just short”
Say “Yeah my hair is a little wild today not behaving very well. It has a mind of its own and a zip code of its own”
I will share this story with you one night I was having dinner with a few friends one of which I have not seen in several years. This girl has the habit of completing your sentences for you. It’s like she will wait to hear the first 3 words of what you are going to say and then shout out the last 3! It is quite hilarious and she does it ALL the time…not even knowing! So myself and everyone else at that dinner table that night just openly pointed it out. We not only pointed it out, but every single time she did it we would all in unison yell out ” you just did it”. Then we began mocking her by us now being the ones that finished her sentences and everyone else’s sentences at that dinner table.
Question: How do you think the girl reacted?
Did she cry?
Was she upset at us and got up out of the table?
Did she say or think ” I don’t like them anymore…they are making fun of me”
Nope. She laughed. She laughed a lot. And kept saying ” I really do that??” In disbelief and laughed and continued to joke with us.
Now having this type of reaction is not always the case. I have had many people in my life get mad or decide to avoid and hide. A guy I knew was dating a girl whose pronunciation was pretty bad on certain words properly. She had an accent nothing wrong with that so do I for certain words. So as a friend sometimes it would be pointed out or mocked. What was her reaction? Totally opposite of the previous girl! She took the opposite approach and got mad and decide to avoid and hide. Not only did she hide she just decided “we were no longer friends”.
Why is it some avoid and hide when people point out imperfections and or flaws in the, or there personality while others acknowledge it and laugh it off?
I believe it boils down to the magic word of CONFIDENCE.
I have met people who have imperfections in there body and honestly I could have hung out with them for years and never noticed until THEY point it out. Why? These people elude confidence and they do not let there imperfections hinder them.
Some of you may be saying “well Adriana not everyone is confident and can handle that so maybe those people should be left alone” I fancy this thought. Oh so some people are hanging out in the ocean on a raft that is sinking, but we should just leave them alone?? If you think taking a little bit of sarcasm is “tough” you probably haven’t done or experienced much in life nor will you ever. The key here is being able to take truthful comments that are not intended to be hurtful. In fact the people who deliver the message are your FRIENDS. They are not people who purposely want to hurt you. When’s the last time someone so “evil” says “hummmmm let me be super mean and hurt this person soooo bad by ummm mocking the way my friend from Boston says ‘car'”????? Really? That is hurtful and mean??
So my point here is to remember that none of us are perfect and the sooner you start to accept that the sooner you will remove yourself from this avoidance of people. The sooner you will gain more confidence and the sooner you will live in truth. If you love truthful characters on TV and the big screen ask yourself if you really had a friend like that in real life would you appreciate there truthfulness or would you avoid them and hide?