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how to speak better

Entrepreneur's Corner, People Skills, Personal Growth

How To Ask Questions

How to ask questions in dating, interviews, friendships, family, every type of interaction is vital!!

Questions… We all ask them, we all have them but what is our intention.

Lately I have been meeting a lot of new people, ya know me, its how I roll! Hahaha. Anyway during this process of meeting people the normal thing is to obviously want to get to know them so the natural process is to ask questions. So I have been paying attention to my conversations with people. To what they ask, when they ask it and more importantly why did they ask in the first place.

Ever met someone new at work, school, church on a date and they made you feel like you were getting interrogated? Like “did I just commit a crime”
Or then there are the questioners who ask and don’t let you respond, they stop you right in the middle of the response?
That’s so annoying!

Or the ones who don’t even ask and you have to ask them questions, but all they do is give you a one word answer like so:

Me: “So you grew up here in southern California huh, how was that?”  
Them: “Cool”

Me: “How is your family? Do you come from a big one or small one?”
Them: “Small”

Me: “Oh you like watching baseball?”
Them: “Yeah”


And that’s where it ends. Terrible waste of 5 minutes or worst if is you were ever invited out on a date by a mute, you’re thinking what a waste of my time or I’m ordering the damn lobster!

So back to questions I have been able to narrow it down to 3 reason why we all ask them. It’s important to know why you ask to not only be a better listener, but in general be someone others like to be around.

We ask questions for….

1. Ask Just To Ask
If you’re the kind of person who ask a question and before the person can start moving their lips, you’ve already moved on to the next question or have been distracted by the yummy flavor of your garlic roll, then your GUILTY!

2. Ask Because WE Want To Share Our Response
If you’ve ever asked a question because deep down inside you really wish THEY would have asked you that question and you rush them to explain, your mouth is shivering waiting to spit out your answer to the question the question you asked, your GUILTY!

3. Ask Because We Genuinely Want To Know
This is the area the true masters of communication fall into!

I can’t say that I am someone that I fall into the 3rd segment I am definitely the one who is guilty of the 1st two, but as I meet more people and have the chance to talk to more people I realize more and more that I really want to work on being someone who ask questions because I genuinely care to know what that person has to say. It’s a big difference when you’re talking to people and you know they ask because they genuinely care to know what you have to say. I can feel it and I sense it. Energy between people is undeniable. We all have bullshit detectors. And the same is true for conversations with people. So knowing that I know when someone is bullshitting me and asking just to ask I decided to make an earnest effort to not be one of those people.
I hope that this article helps you also and maybe make an effort to be a person who ask questions because you’re genuinely care to know.

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